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Help me out - siblings

Find out more about being a sibling or an only child.

A family of brothers and sisters and step-brother standing together

What is a sibling?

A sibling is your brother or sister. They can be older or younger, half siblings or step-siblings. They might live with you, they might not. Some siblings are alike and some couldn鈥檛 be more different.

Living in the same (or a different) house and spending lots of (or little) time together can cause tensions and bickering. But how do you stop sibling tension?

Figure caption,

Dr Aaron's tips for getting on with your siblings

Tips for getting on better with your siblings:

1. Recognise and embrace difference!

Sometimes different personalities can clash 鈥 of course you鈥檙e different people and have different opinions, but that doesn鈥檛 mean you have to clash. Instead try and respect each other鈥檚 opinions 鈥 take the time to listen and respond. Just because their opinion is different from yours it doesn鈥檛 mean it鈥檚 wrong. Sometimes it鈥檚 OK to agree to disagree on something, let it go and then walk away.

2. Don鈥檛 compare yourself

Struggling with jealousy is common between siblings but remember that each sibling will have different strengths. Sometimes it might feel like they get more attention or praise. It鈥檚 hard but that鈥檚 normal. Try not to compare yourself to others. If you spend too much time thinking about your siblings鈥 talents you can easily forget your own unique qualities. Think about the things that you are good at; writing a list might help.

3. See copying as a positive thing

Irritated because they鈥檙e a big copycat? It may feel frustrating but it鈥檚 also a huge compliment - they admire you! Spend time helping them find their own image 鈥 remember they already like your ideas so this might be easier than you think.

4. Put yourself in their shoes

Annoyed because they pick fights or don鈥檛 behave the way you鈥檇 like them to? It could be that there鈥檚 a problem at school or they鈥檙e worried about something and having a tough time. Put yourself in their shoes, talk to them or try to give them space if you know they are feeling grumpy or tired. By taking yourself out of the situation you will avoid things getting worse. If you鈥檙e worried about them it might be useful to ask for a parent鈥檚 or trusted adult鈥檚 help.

5. Stay calm

It鈥檚 important to stay calm; arguing will never make the situation better. Once the fighting is over take the time to listen and talk calmly so you can understand what鈥檚 happened, and don鈥檛 tease your sibling or hold a grudge. Showing kindness and understanding will make the situation better and help you patch things up. You might even become good friends. Have a simple conversation, it might be that your sibling is craving your attention or feeling lonely. You could offer to involve them in your plans or help them solve their problem.

If, despite your best efforts, you just can鈥檛 get on with your sibling and you feel the fighting is getting too much, talk to someone about the situation.

Only children

Being a sibling can be tough but not having a sibling can make you feel that you are missing out. Being an only child isn鈥檛 any better or worse than having siblings, it鈥檚 just different. There may be times when you think it would be great to have a sibling, but don鈥檛 forget those times when you have the opportunity to develop your own interests and skills without comparing them to a brother or sister. And the times you鈥檙e free to do what you like as there are fewer people to fit in with.

When it鈥檚 just you and your parents, there鈥檚 no-one else around to distract or interrupt you. So if times get tough, take advantage of the fact that you鈥檙e probably closer to them and they鈥檒l have more time to listen and help.

For information about organisations which can offer more advice on a range of issues, check out the advice helplines page.听

You can also get tips in the Lifebabble guide to family and find out how the Lifebabblers and celebs get on with their siblings.

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