| 1
At the beautician do you use the emergency entrance?
2 She
fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
3 Look
at him, living proof that care in the community doesn't work.
4 You're
a real Action Man: crew cut, realistic scar, and no genitals
5 Now
do you see what happens when cousins marry?
6 I
can hardly contain my indifference
7 When
they made you they broke the mould but some of it grew back.
8 Did
the aliens forget to remove your probes?
9 Whatever
kind of look you were going for, you missed
10
Are they your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage
11
I'm not your type - I'm not inflatable
12
I'm trying to imagine you with personality
13
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
14
I never forget a face and I can remember both of yours
15
Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
16
Just smile and say "Yes Master"
17
Mummy, I want to grow up to be neurotic like you
18
You look like s**t, is that the style now?
19
And which dwarf are you?
20
Do you know I went through the bargain bin and didn't see that one?
21
If I said anything to offend it was purely intentional
22
That's a fun outfit-it's fancy dress right?
23
Nice dress. Are you hoping to slim into it?
24
He is so ugly they printed his face on airline sick bags
25
I hate everybody and you're next
26
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now
27
Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time
28
I'm multi talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time
29
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
30
You're one of those bad things that happen to good people
31
If we are what we eat: you're fast, cheap and easy
32
Sorry if I looked interested - I'm not
33
Well today was a total waste of make up, wasn't it?
34
I'm not your type - I have a pulse
35
Yes, It looks like a willy, only smaller
36
Please keep talking - I need the sleep
37
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it
38
I like you, you remind me of when I was young and stupid
39
What am I? Fly-paper for freaks?
40
SeeÂ…. you should never drink on an empty head
41
You're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
42
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wouldn't cure
43
I may not be the best looking guy in here but I'm the only one talking
to you
44
Is that your face or are you trying it out for an ugly sister
45
Wow! - You've been hit really hard by the ugly stick
46
Nice hair. Was it that shape when you bought it?
47
I just don't hate myself enough to go out with you
48
Please don't try and kiss me, I'll only laugh
49
You're not paranoid, everyone does hate you
50
Go on, I know you like me-I can see your tail wagging
51
Oh please - save your breath to blow up your girlfriend tonight.
52
Her face bears the imprint of the last man who sat on it
53
I've had a lot to drink - you're beginning to look human
54
You're taking a long time making your pointless
55
Do you ever suffer delusions of adequacy?
56
You would be out of your depth in a puddle
57
Your point has been received, understood and ignored
58
Were your parents disappointed?
59
You were born a blonde, right?
60
If I need a worthless opinion, I'll ask - OK?
61
If I said you had a beautiful body would you sue me for slander?
62
I bet you wish you'd married her sister / his brother now don't
you?
63
Ladies & Gentlemen, tonight we have a member of the local freak
show in to give us a solo spot
64
With a face like that, who needs enemies?
65
If I was that ugly, I'd shave my bum and walk around backwards.
66
I cannot believe that you beat the other five million sperm
67
You mean to say that Worzel Gummidge had offspring?
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