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Good morning. This new decade has started on a violent note with the killing yesterday of Qassem Suleimani, Iran’s most illustrious military chief. President Trump says he ordered the action not to start a war, but to prevent one.

It’s over forty years since the Iranian revolution which ended the rule of the Shah and began a new era in the middle east. I still remember the footage of Ruhollah Khomeini, ‘Ayatollah’ Khomeini, as he returned from exile in Paris to set up the theocratic state which is Iran today. I could see how his arrival was greeted by young and old alike who were sick of an order they believed was corrupt and longed for something new. The revolution sparked fear and outrage from the Shah’s western allies, while the leaders of the revolution began to denounce America as the Great Satan. For forty years the insults have gone back and forth. The West accusing Iran of being a rogue state set on acquiring nuclear weapons; Iran in turn accusing the west of godless imperialism. Insult has followed insult without there being any clarity about when a line might be crossed that could lead to violent escalation. Does a threat to shipping in the Persian Gulf justify a stepping up of sanctions? Does the breaking of a peace deal make it OK to ratch up the nuclear programme? We’ve even got a word to describe these calculations: we speak of calibrating the risk: enough to make a point, not enough to lead to disaster. But it’s a dangerous business. It’s not unusual for wars to start almost by accident, a line is crossed that no one knew was there and the trading of insults gives way to total conflict.

No human life is free from conflict. We have all traded insults with one another which have sometimes led to the accidental crossing of lines and the subsequent breakdown of relationships. Monday, the first Monday of January, has become known as divorce day - when long simmering rows explode during the Christmas break and some couples find they have a crossed a line they cannot go back from. Even on the way to the solicitor’s office they will be disagreeing about who did what and when exactly the line was crossed. That critical line, that point of no return, is never marked. You only know you have crossed it when it’s too late. Which is why today, as we might yet hope secret negotiations are taking place between America and Iran we can all consider our pride and our passions. Even today we may be crossing lines without realising they are there and finding there is no retreat. Both Islam and Christianity know that peace often depends on humility, an acknowledgement of our own shortcomings and a readiness to draw back – not from the brink, but before the brink. Sometimes making a point in an endless propaganda war just isn’t worth it. Sometimes winners lose all.