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Good morning. Adam Towler was dragged out of his home by a 17-year-old stranger in 2019, and stabbed nine times. In court, he said, ‘I’m not upset or angry with you.’ On this programme on Friday he explained, ‘Neither of us can unwind the clocks on these events. I have the rest of my life before me – and he does, too.’

The judge responded, ‘If [your statement] is the consequence of intellect, I admire it. If it’s the consequence of faith, I envy it.’

The judge put his finger on what’s unusual about Dr Towler’s words. In many stories, people who’ve been through trauma forgive their assailant. But forgiveness can seem impossible, agonising or plain wrong. Some people feel forgiving is their moral duty. Yet the guilt people feel, at not being able to, can compound the hurt of the original trauma.

But Dr Towler didn’t mention the word ‘forgive,’ or refer to morality. At no stage did he suggest his perspective should be a template for others: he simply described his personal reaction.

For me, what Dr Towler’s modelling is not so much forgiveness, as maturity. In his letter to the Ephesians, St Paul says maturity’s ‘the full measure of the stature of Christ.’ Maturity’s the moment we stop letting our actions be determined by others’ hostility, but start to resource them from a better place. St Paul says that better place is Christ. Maturity isn’t simply following a moral code, but asking oneself, ‘What kind of a person do I want to be?’ It’s not that Jesus didn’t offer words about forgiveness, but Ephesians is presenting him as an example to be imitated, more than a teacher to be obeyed.

And Dr Towler isn’t talking about what we usually think of as morality. He’s speaking more about what’s often called self-care. He’s not looking for praise. He’s offering maturity as an intriguing alternative to morality. Maturity involves a series of sober calculations. ‘This wasn’t the best expression of my assailant’s character. He and I were thrown together randomly by this moment. If we allow anger to take hold, it will destroy us both. We each have many years ahead of us. We’ll diminish our lives if we allow this event to dominate all our perceptions and relationships. We can’t change the shadow of the past, but we can enjoy the promise of the future.’

There’s no trace here of pride, hypocrisy, or self-righteousness. He’s humbly saying, ‘This works for me. You’re welcome to try it.’ Maybe maturity is what morality ought always to have been, all along.

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