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Strictly's Amy Dowden: "I was seen as a risk"

Navigating the dance profession with Crohn's disease.

Strictly Come Dancing star Amy Dowden reveals she was always seen as a "risk" by choreographers and dance partners who feared her Crohn's disease would impact their careers and insurance plans.

And, as the government unveils its plan to reform support for children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) in England, Nikki Fox and Emma Tracey speak to parents with years experience of the system, Tania Tirraoro and Lucy Bartley, to see how the new plan shapes up.

Produced by: Beth Rose, Amy Elizabeth, Emma Tracey and Damon Rose
Recorded and mixed: By Dave O'Neill
Series editor: Beth Rose
Editor: Damon Rose

Release date:

Available now

34 minutes

Transcript

听

3rd March 2023

bbc.co.uk/accessall

Access All 鈥� episode 42

Presented by Nikki Fox and Emma Tracey

听

听

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Nikki, I鈥檝e been going out of my comfort zone this week and trying out a brand new type of white cane. It鈥檚 like your average white cane but with a big vibrating device screwed on to the top of it. I can hear you laughing already!

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I could see it and it looks鈥�

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 This is really serious!

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I can see it, and it looks like 鈥� no offence, Em, you're having trouble screwing it on 鈥� but it looks like鈥�

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 I鈥檓 having trouble screwing it on.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 鈥ike a mini vacuum cleaner.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 And I kind of know where you鈥檙e going to end up with this, so I have giving you some questions to help you get through this bit of the podcast.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Okay.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Could you turn them over please?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Okay, I鈥檓 turning them over. What does it do?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Can you hear the vibration? Hang on, I鈥檒l put it on. [Vibration]

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I can hear that, Ems.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Yeah, so it vibrates. You walk along with this vibrating bit in your hand so that you can feel it vibrating as you go along.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Why does it vibrate, question mark?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 To tell me if there鈥檚 an obstacle. It鈥檚 got sensors on it and it tells me to sort of maybe veer a little bit one way or the other through vibrations.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Does it, Emma, give different vibrations depending on what you鈥檙e doing?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 It reacts to its environment.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Reactive, okay.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Yeah, it does. So, it鈥檚 on continuous vibrate at the moment because I鈥檓 just sitting there, and it鈥檚 vertical. But it does some sort of short vibrating pulses, and it stops vibrating sometimes, and鈥�

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 It鈥檚 annoying when it stops, isn鈥檛 it?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 You feel a bit sort of empty and like it鈥檚 not helping you out anymore. Do you know what I mean?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Empty, yeah. Have you heard people whispering going, 鈥業 can hear a vibration. Have you left it in your bag, Lucy?鈥� any of that?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 I鈥檝e sort of been a bit embarrassed to take it out too much to be honest with you. I kind of like to keep it to myself and use it in quiet places at the moment.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Well, Emma Tracey since we鈥檝e started doing this podcast I can not accuse you of not teaching me stuff, because that is a new one to me.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Well鈥�

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 And she鈥檚 gone. Literally the vibration has taken out Emma in the studio. Oh well, we鈥檇 probably best get on with the show.

MUSIC-听听听听听听听听 Theme music.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 It鈥檚 Access All, the 麻豆社鈥檚 disability and mental health podcast at your service, darlings. I鈥檓 Nikki Fox and I鈥檓 in London.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 And in Edinburgh I鈥檓 Emma Tracey.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Now, if I were to say school, I wonder how many parents of disabled kids listening to this will shudder really, because we鈥檙e talking SEND. The government has released new plans for specialist education, or SEND. We鈥檒l be hearing from parents and our correspondent, Elaine Dunkley who鈥檚 looked into this, very shortly.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 And later we鈥檙e talking to professional dancer from Strictly, Amy Dowden, who has Crohn鈥檚 disease.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 If you think your friends will like our podcast then please tell them, because it鈥檒l boost our hits and maybe even our budget. It would definitely not boost our budget, will it, Emma?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 No.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 We鈥檙e not getting a bigger budget. Subscribe to us on 麻豆社 Sounds or wherever you get your podcasts.

ROSIE-听听听听听听听听听 I鈥檓 in therapy. I鈥檓 really dealing with a lot of internalised ableism.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Rosie Jones, Emma. Oh my goodness, she was incredible last week, wasn鈥檛 she? She was so honest. I couldn鈥檛 believe what I was hearing. And when I was watching back the little video that we鈥檝e put on Twitter, that鈥檚 had loads of views as well, you could see鈥�

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 3 million apparently.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 鈥y sister was like, you were crying, weren鈥檛 you?鈥� And I was like, 鈥業 was a little bit鈥�. But it really got me having her sat so close to me. And she鈥檚 so naturally happy and upbeat, and I mean no one is all the time. Even when she just comes into the studio she鈥檚 making me laugh the minute she walks in the door.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Yeah.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 She鈥檚 so cool at that, and she does see the good in things and she鈥檚 like a sunny-side-up type person. So, to see her face change when she was talking about the trolling and the ableism and everything oh, it really got me.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 It felt in the moment very, very important for her to say it, for other disabled people to know. Because we do get emails from people who have been trolled online for basically ableist trolling, so people trolling them specifically because their disabled. We do know that happens plenty. And it just felt really, really important for her to say it. And we鈥檙e not going to repeat any of the things that people said about her.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 No.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 But we put out an article about the interview and 麻豆社 News tweeted it. And lo and behold, the people, lots of people weren鈥檛 very nice about it.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah. She messaged saying 鈥業sn鈥檛 ironic that the article that you guys have written about the ableist trolling I received has received ableist trolling?鈥� And I did check in on her and check she was okay, because it was a lot, she was very open and honest with us about what she received, and then through that interview she was getting more. And she was absolutely fine. Obviously it was upsetting, she did not hide from that, but she did say that it does spur her on to carry on, to keep working hard, to be successful, because in her words that鈥檚 the best thing that she can do, that鈥檚 the way she can beat it.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 She鈥檚 an absolute legend, honestly. But I do wonder why this happens so much to disabled people, and in such a vitriolic way. I wonder do we need an ableism correspondent, someone who has given this a lot of thought, done a lot of research on this, maybe experienced it as well, to come on and sort of walk us through it and give us a bit of insight.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I have always said, and I said this to Rosie and I鈥檝e said this to you a lot, haven鈥檛 I, Emma, that I do feel women get it harder, very much so.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Right. So, our ableism correspondent, whoever you are, why is that? Why do you think that it鈥檚 felt that women get it harder? Email us accessall@bbc.co.uk, be our ableism correspondent.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Can I talk about something else that happened last week?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 And do prove me wrong, because I have done a little bit of research into this, I鈥檝e sort of compared myself to other famous fellas on the telly who are disabled; it鈥檚 not very scientific but I do think that that is the case. Sorry Emma, carry on.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Something else we talked about last week was furniture and vehicles on pavements. It seemed like a very boring subject, like yeah, yeah, yeah, it鈥檚 something that we鈥檝e been talking about for years, why do we have to keep talking about it. But we were right to talk about it because you emailed us about it. You told us your stories of scary times when you鈥檝e had to go onto the road. And one of the emails that stuck out for me was Beverley. She emailed us from the medieval tourist town of Warwick. So, it鈥檚 medieval so it鈥檚 got lots of inaccessibilities, it鈥檚 for tourists, there are lots and lots of people there. And she was saying that in her short scoot from her house to her mum鈥檚 there鈥檚 all sorts of times when she needs to scoot on very busy roads. And she says a particular anxiety for her is bus stops. If there鈥檚 a bus there and she鈥檚 had to go onto the road for some reason she kind of has to wait, because she doesn鈥檛 want to go past the bus in case the bus doesn鈥檛 see her, but also there are loads of cars coming up behind her. It sounds really hairy, Nikki. Can you relate to that?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I鈥檝e had my hairy moments, Ems, very much so. A lot when I鈥檓 working in London actually. But I do feel that other people who aren鈥檛 disabled only truly understand it when they鈥檙e with you I notice. Because when I鈥檓 going on a night out, even when we went on our Access All do the same thing happened: I had to go off road to get to our venue. I was with people, and they were like, 鈥極h my goodness, this is dangerous, Nikki. You can鈥檛 do this鈥�. They were like, 鈥楽top! Stop! Stop!鈥� And I鈥檓 like, 鈥楥ome on, we鈥檝e got to go, quick, quick, it鈥檚 the only way, it is the only way鈥�.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Well, we could get very deep on this and say, are our lives less important that we are told we need to鈥�

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Let鈥檚 not think too hard.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 鈥o on busy roads because鈥�

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 It could be very depressing, Emma.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 鈥here鈥檚 no room for us on the pavement. I know, I know.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I mean, we can鈥檛 live like that, Ems.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 No.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 We can鈥檛.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 We have to do our thing and hope for the best.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 We have to hope that the built environment 鈥� I hate that, why did I say the built environment?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 [In a serious voice] the built environment.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 We have to hope that our environment will improve a little more rapidly than it ever has done in the past. And I don鈥檛 think that鈥檚 unfair of me to say.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Now, this week it鈥檚 Eating Disorder Awareness Week. And there鈥檚 a new podcast from 麻豆社 5 Live called The Weigh Up. The host is Molly Smith. She鈥檚 19 and recovering from anorexia. Now, in the podcast she speaks to all sorts of experts over nine episodes, but she also speaks to her family about how they supported her through her illness. Here is Molly telling them how she managed to throw away food at school, despite being watched like a hawk:

MOLLY-听听听听听听听 I mapped out where every single bin was in the school.

MALE-听听听听听听听听听听 It鈥檚 like taking the dog for a walk.

MOLLY-听听听听听听听 Yeah, so I could throw away my food without anyone knowing. Or like the little bins in the toilets, chuck it in there. I knew where every bin was at school. Under the toilets, the toilets at school were my best friend, honestly. They gave me more support than anyone else.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 The first two episodes are now on 麻豆社 Sounds, and a new one will drop every Wednesday.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 The government has unveiled new plans to reform support for children with special educational needs and disabilities in England. Now, the long awaited Department for Education plans aim to improve what it calls a postcode lottery system. Plans for earlier diagnosis are part of the reforms, as well as a commitment to build more free schools to educate disabled children and young people. Now, joining us today is 麻豆社 correspondent, the wonderful Elaine Dunkley, who's been following this story and has recently, along with the brilliant team, made the documentary SEND Help for 麻豆社 News. And I would urge anyone to watch it back. It really did highlight the impact a lack of specialist schools has on young people and their families.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Elaine, thank you so much. I know you鈥檝e not got much time today because you鈥檙e busy for 麻豆社 News. But how have the plans gone down with education providers and parents of disabled children?

ELAINE-听听听听听听听 Well, I think the change has certainly been welcome, but there are a lot of people saying, 鈥業s it enough?鈥� because this is a system that has been in crisis for far too many people for far too long. So, what are we looking at? We鈥檙e looking at children who are missing huge amounts of their school; we鈥檙e looking at families who are being pushed to their limits as they navigate a really complex system; we鈥檙e looking at increasing demand and not enough funding; mainstream schools struggling to cope, special educational need schools oversubscribed, long waiting lists. So, this is a really big problem, a huge problem for far too many families and children who feel failed. And so whilst the government is saying it鈥檚 transformational, there are a lot of organisations and lots of charities saying, this is not enough because this is crisis.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 That鈥檚 right. Disability Rights UK have come out today saying that the plans tinker, they don鈥檛 transform. Is that the general feeling you鈥檙e getting?

ELAINE-听听听听听听听 The reaction of many people around these plans will be, is that it, is this what we鈥檙e getting. And I think one of the biggest issues is around funding. The government鈥檚 saying that it鈥檚 going to invest 拢2.6 billion into new places over the next three years, to create new places in specialist schools. They鈥檝e talked about high-needs鈥� funding will be increased to over 拢10 billion by 2024. There鈥檚 going to be 400 educational psychologists to help with earlier diagnosis in mainstream schools. 拢30 million towards families getting short breaks to provide some sort of respite for families of children with really complex needs. But it鈥檚 not just about funding; there are huge issues around trust. Many families feel so badly let down by the current system, and they鈥檒l be concerned that this is more about saving money than it is about getting children the right support.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Now, it鈥檚 quite interesting because last week I did an exclusive interview with the education secretary, Gillian Keegan, and I started by talking to her actually about my own nephew, Tegan, gorgeous, wonderful eight year old boy. He鈥檚 autistic and he鈥檚 got very limited speech. And she started talking to me about her nephew who has Down鈥檚 syndrome and she was saying, 鈥楧o you know what, I get it, I really get this and I understand what parents are battling with鈥�. So, for me I think that鈥檚 reassuring that someone gets it, because unless you experience it or see it I don鈥檛 think people recognise the level of crisis families can be in when they鈥檙e just trying to get support for their children. But there鈥檚 a lot of work to be done because there鈥檚 this whole issue, as I was saying, around trust. And so one of the things we talked about, I asked her, 鈥楥an you guarantee that children who need an education health and care plan are going to get one?鈥� And she said, 鈥榊es, they should鈥�. But she also said that children shouldn鈥檛 need one; mainstream schools should be able to cater for things like one-to-one learning, speech and language development. But a lot of families are going to be really worried and nervous about that, because having an EHCP it鈥檚 a legal document, and without one where鈥檚 the guarantee that your child is going to get the support that they need? And also do the schools to have resources to meet need? And so there are a whole lot of issues around trusting this.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 And I suppose the other issue is around accountability. The government have said they鈥檙e going to bring in a national standard so there鈥檚 not this postcode lottery and patchwork of in some areas there鈥檚 good provision and in other areas there鈥檚 bad. But what people have said to me about that is, do you know there鈥檚 already a legal framework, there鈥檚 the Children and Families Act of 2014. And what needs to happen is that local authorities need to abide by the law, understand it, and they need to be properly funded to deliver it. And if they don鈥檛 there needs to be some level of accountability.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 There鈥檚 also the issue around data as well. A few weeks ago I did quite a big investigation into just how oversubscribed specialist schools are. But the government doesn鈥檛 have that data. So, a lot of people are asking, 鈥楧oes the government really understand the magnitude and the scale of this problem?鈥� 52% of specialist schools are oversubscribed.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 I think the biggest things I can say from this is when you see those families in distress, I鈥檒l be totally honest with you, I was in tears; I was in tears watching them battling, fighting for years, their children鈥檚 mental health is deteriorating. This is about children who have hopes and dreams getting the support that they need. And I think what we have to realise is if these young people don鈥檛 have hope none of us do. And why should they be failed in this way?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Elaine, thank you so much. We really appreciate you coming on. Now joining us we鈥檝e got two parents of disabled young people. Welcome to Tanya Tiraoro and Lucy Bartley. Thank you for coming on, guys. Now, all your children receive their education with support. And Lucy, your son, Samuel, is still at college, isn鈥檛 he, at the moment?

LUCY-听听听听听听听听听听 He is, that鈥檚 right. So, Samuel is turning 21 in June. And he鈥檚 currently in this third year at Croydon College.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Is he enjoying it?

LUCY-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah. I mean, he does enjoy the one day a week where he has his music technology provision, which is something that actually I had to end up organising for him there, because it wasn鈥檛 on offer, not at the level that he could access. But it鈥檚 been the best thing for him. He really enjoys that day and it鈥檚 what thrives on; he loves making music. The rest of college is a bit arduous to be honest.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Really?

LUCY-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 What kind of provisions does your son need?

LUCY-听听听听听听听听听听 So, Samuel was born with spina bifida and hydrocephalous, so he has physical impairment and also quite severe learning impairments. So, he requires one-to-one support both to access the environment but also the curriculum. And also requires quite significant support with his personal care needs too, which has always been a bit of a challenge.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 And he鈥檒l get the support, won鈥檛 he Lucy, until he鈥檚 25, because EHCPs go to 25, is that right?

LUCY-听听听听听听听听听听 They do. That said a local authority at any point can decide that the EHCP is no longer relevant, and they can cease or suggest ceasing to maintain it on the grounds that the young person is no longer making progress, so it鈥檚 not worth it. And that can be a real battle for parents and young people to try justify that continuation of their EHCP, and then hence the continuation of their education.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 It鈥檚 a constant worry. In a nutshell, an EHCP is an education health and care plan, that鈥檚 right, isn鈥檛 it Lucy?

LUCY-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 And you need that for your son, don鈥檛 you, to get the provision that he needs?

LUCY-听听听听听听听听听听 Well, yes. And I was interested in reading Gillian Keegan鈥檚 comments. A, she called it an education and health support plan, so I鈥檓 not sure how great is her understanding of exactly what it is. But B, she鈥檚 very much of the view that disabled young people and children should be receiving the support they need within their education without the EHCP. But actually frankly that doesn鈥檛 happen. It has become very much a necessity to ensure that a disabled child gets support.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah. Coming to Tanya now. Thank you Lucy. Tanya, how did your children receive their education?

TANYA-听听听听听听听 Both mine ended up in an independent specialist school, fantastic school called More House, Frensham. Then they moved back into mainstream for sixth form, because they鈥檇 been at this small school for a long time and they wanted to try something different. My eldest went on to university, got a first, and is now theatre manager of a sixth form college in Hampshire. My younger one has had significant mental health problems, didn鈥檛 get the support that she needed in university. This is one of the things that we really wanted is to have EHCPs included in higher education, which they are not; which is a huge anomaly and hasn鈥檛 been changed with these new plans. So, she is currently now at home at 23 not doing anything, with nothing to look forward to.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Why are they not included? What, does it stop?

TANYA-听听听听听听听 Yeah. If you are going into higher education you cannot have an EHCP. They say, well you鈥檝e got disabled students allowance; but it鈥檚 not statutory. And as we found you have to end up sorting out the support yourself, which she wasn鈥檛 able to do. And I didn鈥檛 know that she had to do that, so she didn鈥檛 get what she needed. They say, oh we can鈥檛 make universities do it. But yet they have apprenticeships with companies and you can have an EHCP and be paid for that. And it鈥檚 not as if it would cost. The key for it would be for it to be statutory so that universities cannot pass the buck; they cannot not provide the support that a young person needs. And also if they鈥檝e had social care support within their EHCP and health support that just falls by the wayside as well. So, they鈥檙e in a possibly strange new place without the support they need.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 You know the report today on 2nd March emphasises they鈥檙e providing more specialist schools. And it wasn鈥檛 actually that long ago that we were saying that mainstream was the way forward. So, what changed, do you think?

TANYA-听听听听听听听 Well, nothing鈥檚 really changed in the real world. When you read the document it is clear that what they are trying to do is reduce the number of EHCPs. They have quite a few local authorities signing up to something called a Safety Valve Programme. LAs are in dire financial straits, and as part of the criteria for this they have to cut the number of EHCPs. And we see this as a golden thread all the way through this document. So, they do want to improve support lower down to make EHCPs less necessary, shall we say, but that is not something that you can do overnight.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 But for me the biggest takeaway from this is that there is no legislation change at the moment. So, EHCPs are still in force; the criteria for them is still the same. So, if a local authority or a school tells you, 鈥極h well the law has changed now鈥� they鈥檙e lying to you.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 It鈥檚 just worth mentioning that the government aren鈥檛 here to respond. But thank you everyone so much for coming on. Thank you Lucy, thank you Tanya, it鈥檚 been a great chat.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 Now, we are huge Strictly fans here on Access All. You鈥檒l have heard Emma and I chatting away about it all the time. So, we are beyond excited to have professional dancer Amy Dowden. She鈥檚 with us. Hello Amy. Thank you so much for coming on.

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Thank you for having me. How are you?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 We鈥檙e all right. We鈥檙e a bit giddy we鈥檝e got the Dowden.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Yes, very, very excited. Especially after watching your amazing documentary, which we鈥檒l talk about in a minute.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 We鈥檙e going to get to that.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Really, really excited, yeah.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Now, Amy has dazzled us on the dancefloor with celebrity partners like my absolute favourite, it鈥檚 a puppet, Brian Connelly. I love Brian. He randomly is really good mates with one of my friends, Gok Wan. And I just love that Gok Wan and Brian Connelly are really good mates.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 That鈥檚 a duo. That is a duo.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah. And you're with the lovely Karim who was amazing, he was such a good dancer, and Tom Fletcher. But Amy is also a former British national Latin dance champion. Now, you鈥檝e been previously partnered, haven鈥檛 you, with JJ Chalmers, who鈥檚 got limb difference. You鈥檝e danced with CBeebies George Webster who鈥檚 got Down鈥檚 syndrome. So, our first question had to be, just a bit selfishly, we are going to move on, but how would you dance if you were going to dance with me and Emma? Given that I use a mobility scooter, often associated with older people, and Emma is totally blind.

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Teaching Brian Connelly was totally different to teaching Tom Fletcher. Everybody learns differently, everyone moves differently. So, with JJ missing limbs, so maybe a way I would technically explain a movement, I鈥檇 be doing it and then realising oh, it doesn鈥檛 work. But that鈥檚 because he was missing that muscle. So, then I needed to go away and it was my job to learn, to be able to know how to then teach him and to get the movement. And there were things we couldn鈥檛 do, so we couldn鈥檛 do lifts, and there were certain arm movements as well above the shoulders that we couldn鈥檛 do. And that鈥檚 fine. I just adapted it around and made the best of the choreography. And luckily he went all the way on to the quarter finals.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 I鈥檒l never forget when he said this was better than any rehab he had. And to me that was like winning. That鈥檒l stay with me forever. JJ and I didn鈥檛 sympathise for one another; we just understood.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Understood, yeah, there鈥檚 a difference, isn鈥檛 there?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 I think that鈥檚 me and you, isn鈥檛 it, Nikki.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Totally.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 It鈥檚 not like oh poor you. It鈥檚 like, how are you going to get around that then?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Even if I鈥檝e got terrible pain on my ankles because of my splints Emma鈥檚 like, whatever love.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Well, I鈥檓 just like, you didn鈥檛 go to your splint appointment, no sympathy for you.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah, exactly.

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 And sympathy, I was only talking about this with Diane Buswell, one of the other pros, like there鈥檚 a fine line. And sometimes I get really annoyed with sympathy. If I鈥檓 talking about my Crohn鈥檚 it鈥檒l be basically making and raising awareness, and for people to understand. I鈥檓 not sat there because I want everyone to feel sorry for me. That鈥檚 not the case at all. I know what I鈥檝e been dealt with and I鈥檒l get on with it. And I think there鈥檚 that fine line, isn鈥檛 it, because sometimes it can turn quite patronising. And maybe I鈥檓 just trying to educate people. If I鈥檓 having a low day and I鈥檓 in pain and I鈥檓 having a moan I just need to get it off my chest. I鈥檓 not asking for everybody to go, oh Amy. Does that make sense?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 You鈥檙e preaching to the converted here, Amy, definitely about all that stuff.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Is that one of the reasons, Amy, going back to not wanting sympathy, is that one of probably many, I鈥檇 say, reasons why you weren鈥檛 so open about having Crohn鈥檚. Because Emma and I watched your documentary last night and, oh my goodness, it鈥檚 so powerful. It鈥檚 Strictly Amy, Crohn鈥檚 and Me, and it鈥檚 still on the iPlayer so I鈥檇 urge anyone listening to watch it back. You鈥檙e so open and really warm. You really do not shy away from the pain that you鈥檙e in when you鈥檙e having a flare-up and when things get really awful and you have to go to hospital. But you also mentioned in the documentary that you were always quite hesitant about revealing that you had Crohn鈥檚. Was it sympathy? What were the reasons for not coming out?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 It was a mixture of them. I guess I鈥檇 suffered so much growing up and I didn鈥檛 want this to define me. I wanted people to get to know me rather than be like, oh that鈥檚 Amy with Crohn鈥檚 disease. I wanted them to see me as a dancer I guess; which was so silly at the time when I look back. I wasted so much time in terms of raising awareness and doing all I could. But I guess for so many years people would be asking me, 鈥楬ow鈥檚 your health, Amy? How鈥檚 your Crohn鈥檚?鈥� and I wanted them to be asking me, 鈥楬ow鈥檚 your dancing going? How鈥檚 life?鈥� And everything always seemed to be circled around the Crohn鈥檚, and I was just fed up of it and I just wanted to get on with my life. And I guess I didn鈥檛 want people to assume that I got onto Strictly because of my Crohn鈥檚. And I didn鈥檛 want 鈥� and I know this would never be the case and it鈥檚 so ridiculous of me 鈥� but I didn鈥檛 want celebrities as well to go, oh I don鈥檛 want Amy because she鈥檚 got Crohn鈥檚, because she鈥檚 poorly. So, I wanted to prove myself on the show before. I thought maybe my job would be at risk. And it鈥檚 not the case at all because the entire Strictly production team go beyond for me, always ensuring that if I鈥檓 not well that I鈥檓 not pushing myself, that sometimes they look at me and go, 鈥楴o, take the afternoon off the group rehearsal, you don鈥檛 need to be there, please rest鈥�. Just ensuring like with the foods that there鈥檚 everything I possibly need; that there are breaks if I need them. And they don鈥檛 just do it for me; they do it for everybody. There鈥檚 always a contingency plan in case people are injured. Touch wood, I鈥檝e never missed a live show with a celebrity, but other pros have because of injuries and things. And they look after everybody.

听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听听 But I guess in my head I鈥檇 had so many rejections because of my Crohn鈥檚.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Had you?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah.

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 What kinds of rejections?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 In a way still do.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Why?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Because you鈥檙e seen as a risk.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Really?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Say a producer wants to take you own tour, and to headline your own tour, what happens to them and their insurance when I鈥檓 poorly?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 So, you鈥檝e actually had experience with this, you鈥檝e not been able to tour?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Oh yeah, I鈥檝e not been able to. So, dance partners, before my darling husband took me on, didn鈥檛鈥�

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 Took me on!

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah. So, I鈥檇 go for what you鈥檇 call as a try-out in our industry, and as soon as my dance teacher would say, 鈥楻ight, you need to tell them about your Crohn鈥檚 disease鈥� wouldn鈥檛 hear back, seen as a risk.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Wow.

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 And that used to upset me. And that stayed with me forever because it didn鈥檛 define my talent, my hard work, my dedication. And yet I never asked for Crohn鈥檚 disease; I鈥檇 do anything in the world not to suffer with it. And yet I鈥檓 being punished for it now because I鈥檓 being robbed of opportunities. And I guess that was in the back of my mind going into Strictly. And I can never forget, I rang my parents and said I鈥檇 been offered the job at Strictly, and even they said, 鈥楢h, but do they know about your Crohn鈥檚 yet?鈥�

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 I think you might have got on there because you won a world championship in Blackpool, right?

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah.

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 But you don鈥檛 see it like that at the time. When you鈥檝e had rejection because of something unfortunately, I can remember speaking to somebody before and they said it鈥檚 like putting a nail in a piece of wood, if you take the nail out of the piece of wood the wood is still dented, and so those comments and those moments will always remain with me now. But Strictly weren鈥檛. I can remember sitting in that meeting and saying, 鈥業 need to tell you something. I鈥檝e got Crohn鈥檚鈥� and they were like, 鈥榊eah, and that鈥檚 absolutely fine. Just let us know what we need to do for you鈥�. Since I got Strictly everything changed. Everyone saw me in a different light. It鈥檚 just in the build-up; honestly, I had so many rejections because of it. And you have to tell them, don鈥檛 you, you鈥檝e got Crohn鈥檚 disease.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah. Amy, my fella 鈥� my sister tells me off for saying that; she鈥檚 like, 鈥榊ou鈥檙e 42, stop saying my fella鈥� 鈥� my boyfriend has got ulcerative colitis, and he was diagnosed with that a couple of years ago. Obviously not as severe as Crohn鈥檚, but I鈥檝e seen how he had to completely change his whole lifestyle, food, the whole shebang. But for people that don鈥檛 understand Crohn鈥檚 can you give us a kind of idea of how it affects your body, and also how you have to live your life really?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah, so Crohn鈥檚 and colitis is inflammatory bowel diseases, and obviously people think oh, it just affects the gut. Well, alone the gut controls so much, doesn鈥檛 it: your digestive, your energy, you name it. If you feel nervous you put it on your stomach. If you feel excited, happy, you feel it in your stomach. If we feel sick we get that feeling in our gut. So, you think how much the gut can control our body. But people think it starts there but it doesn鈥檛; it starts from the mouth right through. So, I can get mouth ulcers, cold sores, my skin can inflame, get swollen eyes, pain, sickness, I suffer from severe constipation but people can have terrible diarrhoea, it can leave you with a stoma bag, multiple operations, medication every day, it obviously affects your diet. So, it鈥檚 certainly a rotten illness to live with. It can give you fatigue. People can go on to get arthritis. And you think we don鈥檛 digest our nutrients like everybody else; that leads to other problems. People can suffer with it and are lucky enough to have the most minimal symptoms, and then there are some who are bed bound, tube fed and just don鈥檛 have the quality of life. And there鈥檚 just not enough out there; there鈥檚 not enough people talking about it. People don鈥檛 want to talk about pooh and guts and bowels, they all get embarrassed. So, it鈥檚 about breaking down the stigma, getting people talking, getting people knowing what it is and it is out there.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I just wanted to also touch on the fact that I suppose Crohn鈥檚 is an invisible disability really, isn鈥檛 it, at its heart?

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Yes exactly.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Everyone can see that I鈥檓 disabled in my little scooter, and they can probably see that Emma is too. I think there is a difference. And I wonder how you feel about the world that we live in now for people with invisible disabilities. I always worry when somebody comes out of a disabled bathroom and I might be a bit judge-y and be like they shouldn鈥檛 be there because they鈥檙e not in a wheelchair. But actually you could have Crohn鈥檚 for goodness sake, you know.

AMY-听听听听听听听听听听听 Yeah. I鈥檇 love to say it鈥檚 getting easier but it鈥檚 actually not. I鈥檝e had many cases where you have to skip a toilet queue because I鈥檓 about to vomit, or I鈥檓 in extreme pain and I need to get there and do my medication. And the looks you get. You don鈥檛 want to shout out, 鈥業鈥檝e got Crohn鈥檚 disease鈥� to anybody. You never know what people are going through. It鈥檚 just making people aware really that not every illness or disability is visible. Sometimes that warm smile, everything鈥檚 going to be okay, can go a long way.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 Thanks for listening. We鈥檙e going to be back next week as usual. If you subscribe to us on whatever device or your computer you鈥檒l get our podcast on Friday morning around 10am. That鈥檚 when we drop, isn鈥檛 it, Emma?

EMMA-听听听听听听听听 That鈥檚 right.

NIKKI-听听听听听听听听听听 I鈥檓 down with the kids, Emma. You鈥檙e not just having any of it, are you?

[Trailer for Newscast]

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