Â鶹Éç

‘It wasn’t my fault after all’ – so said one sub-postmaster to the Â鶹Éç when he heard that his conviction for fraud would be quashed. If something goes wrong, our first reaction is sometimes to blame ourselves: What did I do? Where did I fail? Some sub-postmasters and mistresses actually paid from their own pockets the money they were wrongly accused of stealing, disempowered by the weight of the accusations against them.

Many of us carry around some form of guilt. I still feel guilty because I failed my mother in the last week of her life by not cancelling a teaching commitment so I could be with her on a crucial day in that painful time. My perfectionism placed work over human love. I’ve often beaten myself up about it. And that’s not the only time when I’ve cried out to myself, ‘Why on earth did I do that?’ or Why didn’t I do this?’

Dealing with feelings of guilt and unworthiness is not easy for they disempower and imprison us. Christians might reflect on Jesus’s words ‘Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’ It’s a comforting message but I also feel that I’ve needed to forgive myself as well and let go of inner voices of self-accusation. I’ve needed to work on my mind and my emotions.

In this, I’ve drawn strength from both Christianity and Buddhism. Many Buddhists worldwide meditate daily on loving kindness. The idea is to spread the light of loving kindness from your own heart and mind to those you like and those you don’t. The starting point is surrounding oneself with loving kindness. It’s a powerful practice that stresses self-acceptance rather than guilt. Similar insights are found in the Christian contemplative tradition. Here, clear awareness of faults is encouraged, but also recognizing our need to let go of guilt, aware of the force of compassion at the heart of our universe, which Christians call God.

We all have a choice – to accept and forgive ourselves as we are – human and imperfect – or to continue cycles of pain for ourselves and others. New starts come with the former.

The new law, which was introduced yesterday, will clear the names of hundreds of sub-postmasters and mistresses who were victims of bad computer software. The fault was not theirs but some have nevertheless been scarred with feelings of guilt. May they now be empowered and may we be empowered by the choices we make.

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