麻豆社

In Lithuania, singer R奴gil臈 Daujotait臈 was becoming a familiar face on television. She was performing at major music events, competing for a place at Eurovision, and building a life that, from the outside, appeared successful.

But privately, she says she was struggling.

Raised in a family shaped by New Age spirituality and occult beliefs, R奴gil臈 grew up searching for God through a mixture of traditions. As an adult, she moved to Amsterdam to study jazz, became involved in shamanic practices and Santo Daime ceremonies, and began taking ayahuasca - a powerful psychedelic brew used in some religious rituals.

She says she came to believe that these experiences offered enlightenment and spiritual healing. Yet, as her public career grew, she felt increasingly distressed and spiritually lost.

For Heart and Soul, Colm Flynn travels to Vilnius to meet R奴gil臈 in the home where she first encountered many of the ideas that shaped her early life. She reflects on leading retreats, introducing others to practices she has since rejected, and the moment she began reading the Bible and questioning the world she had embraced.

Image: R奴gil臈 Daujotait臈, holding a guitar, and her bandmates (Credit: R奴gil臈 Daujotait臈)