After a lifetime of hating sports, Nick Walker's now inventing a few of his own in the kitchen ... in the bathroom ... in the hall ..
Ten years ago, I hated sport. As a teenager, any physical activity was way
below my notion of myself as - well - a thinker. Summer meant putting away my books - my beautiful books!
At that time only one sport existed. Golf. I loved the fairways not for the invigorating stroll, but for the third tee on the Edinburgh Corporation Baird Hills Course. This hole had a particular challenge - the aim was to belt the ball so hard in the opposite direction from the green that it stormed through a pane of glass in the green house some eejit had built beside the golf course. Asking for trouble.
Now, at the age of 29, I couldn’t be more surprised. I am transfixed by
sporting prowess. I am not interested in the who-wins-what rubbish that
occupies so many. There is usually always a winner. Where’s the doubt in
that? What draws me now is the ever widening gap. Multiple sclerosis means I
can walk only a couple of steps at a time, and the spectacle of sporting
triumph inspires a curious mixture of awe and envy.
But my race has to begin where I am, and I have found my sports - yoga and rowing. And Bathroom surfing. Holding with both hands to the pivoted grab bar by my sink, I close my eyes. Standing in my bathroom, muscles tense and toned, I can pretend the lamp’s red glare on the inside of
my eyelids is the sun. I close my eyes to rob myself further of precious
balance and pretend I have been taken up by a wave….
I practise. And I might not be getting much better, but I have widened my
chances of picking up the occasional sports day ribbon. I have events, leagues, show trials.
This will be my own summer of sport.
I have found the policy in activity that I once shunned. There’s next Tuesday’s front hall triple jump. We’re gearing up for an action packed weekend of highlights from the kitchen cupboard aerobics. Up. Right hand grab Pepper. Bend knees. Down. Up, stand. Salt. Down. Turn to face cooker. And, of course, all this is after up-to-the minute coverage of
surfing from the bathroom….
