Continuing our spate of weddings on Home Truths, Michael and Joseph talk about their big day. Both live in Vermont which is the first American state to legalise gay marriages - or, more officially, civil unions.
Josph describes how he and Michael met,"On Valentine's day, I was prompted to draft a personal ad and place it in the newspaper. When I went to look at my ad, I saw another one next to mine - Mmm I thought that looks interesting! So I responded to it."
Michael continues,"So Joseph’s letter came and he said "I’m average height, average weight and I have average coloured hair… and I just knew this was a special person. But I think I was Joseph’s fifteenth date in seven days or something…" Joseph interrupts him, "He’s exaggerating - he was my eighth date in seven days.." "He said," continues Michael, "that I’d recognise him because of his big red scarf - and he walks in - big red scarf, average height, average weight, average hair colour - gorgeous!"
Michael realised he was gay when he was at high school and thought he would just have to keep it quiet until his parents died because it would hurt them too much, "I always thought I was going to be this old hermit who lived in a cottage by themself and never dealt with other people - and suddenly I could see there were other people like me."
Joseph also felt this sense of isolation, "I was raised in a very conservatively religious home. They completely condemned homosexuality. I realised I had to make a choice between being honest with my parents and telling them I was gay, or lying to them and knowing we would over time become more distant. I decided I’d rather have them become distant because I was honest, rather than because I was lying to them."
Joseph’s mother explains how she felt, "It took a little adjustment at first, but we came out to our friends very quickly - then we met Michael - and his choice was wonderful. Jospeh’s father continues, "They’re a very good match - between the two of them they compensate well, just like my wife and I. I’m glad that it’s now legal, people are people and love is love and God don’t make junk!"
For a while, Joseph’s parents still attended their conservative Christian church. Finding that the knowledge of Joseph’s sexuality caused people to almost go out of their way to preach against homosexuality, Jospeh’s parents found a church in a nearby town which willingly accepts gayness.
Michael, "I didn’t tell my parents I was gay, my mother told me. I had a house mate - a woman, just friends, no romance. When I told my mother, I might be moving, she asked me if I’d found another woman, and I said don’t be ridiculous, we’re not a couple. She said, "Oh I know that - did you find another man?" I said, what if I told you I had. She said, "OK you can be gay as long as you don’t tell anyone else, especially your grandmother because she’ll die!" But she’s coming to the civil union!"
It was a whirlwind romance - they met in February, started dating in March and in June when, Michael popped the question. He explains why this civil union is so important to them, "We want the state recognition, we want that piece of paper but more than that we want to know more than when one of us is sick the other one can go to hospital and make decisions for the sick person, just like my parents can do it's to do with peace of mind.
