Theo Hesser talks about his journey from Facism to Judaism...
Theo was born in Munich in 1935, his father was an early and committed member of the Nazi party, and when he was 8 years old, Theo became an active member of the Hitler Youth. Fifty years later, Theo has embraced the Jewish faith.
"The Hitler Youth was a bit like joining the Boy Scouts, I just wanted to be with the other boys. Was there a political dimension to it? "Propaganda was always there - whatever was said, it was done in such a way that you just accepted it as black and white. My argument is, if you can’t trust your parents and your teachers, who can you trust? It was just normal - a part of growing up."
Theo remembers when he was told that it wasn’t right to associate with Jewish people, "There were all those horrible posters at the railway station - Jewish people were always drawn with funny hats, crinkly hair and big noses and rats running around their feet, and slogans such as ‘Don’t buy from the Jews.’ The only Jew I knew was our family doctor. She disappeared. It was never ever talked about in the presence of the children." Theo remembers Dakau, which wasn’t far from where he lived, but as a child he didn’t realise what was going on there. His mother told him it was for people who had been bad.
In 1945 the situation turned full circle. Because of Theo’s father’s membership of the Nazi party, the family were given 48 hours to vacate their flat so that a Jewish family could move in. "I remember distinctly my mother saying,'Now we’ve got the Jews again! My father was heartbroken and disillusioned, not so much about Hitler, but all the things he’d hoped for Germany had gone completely wrong…"
Theo came to Britain in 1957 with his first wife, had two children and lived an ordinary life. "My generation we weren’t told anything about the holocaust at all, my parents didn’t talk about it, it was taboo. The first time I heard the word holocaust was in the early eighties."
Was this what’s now called ‘denial’? "I think the majority were so shocked with the whole idea of what happened in the camps, that they just couldn’t believe that this had been done by a highly-intelligent race in the middle of Europe," says Theo
Theo began to learn about the true story of what happened when he met his second wife, who is English and a convert to Judaism. "She loved the faith and I try to support her and her two children as much as possible - bringing them up in the Jewish faith.
The majority of my friends are Jewish, and Orthodox on top of that - I was amazed by the warmth they showed towards me. They knew about my family’s past - even though my wife said keep quiet. I always wanted them to know." Theo converted to Judaism after a trip to Israel. "From the moment I arrived in Israel it was like being struck by lightning." There Theo visited holocaust memorials, "I found it difficult to cope with what I saw in Israel … when I was there I decided the only way to cope with my pain and nightmares was to convert to Judaism"
The process of conversion involved Theo in writing essays, "I didn’t just write with my head, I wrote from my heart. And I was questioning things as I went along - I always wanted to know Why? My Jewish friends got so fed up they bought me The Jewish Book of Why? But even in there the biggest answer is missing - why did it happen in the first place? I don’t think anyone can ever tell you that. It’s been like a jigsaw puzzle - all the bits and pieces gradually falling into place. But that one piece - why? - I don’t think anyone can ever put that there. Eventually I was accepted as a liberal Jew, but I wanted to do more, so at the age of 62, I had my bar mitzvah - which you normally have at the age of 13!"
Theo was amazed by the response of friends and family in Germany, "I thought I’d have a lot of opposition, but it was the exact opposite. My family in Munich support me with everything I do. Both my parents were dead by the time of my bar-mitzvah. But I like to think even my father with his earlier ideology would say, ‘Son, I’m proud of you for what you’ve done and I wish you well…"
Even Theo’s conversion cannot draw a line under the past and his feelings about it, "It’s there, and I accept it, and this was part of growing up and it was a really bad time for Germany - I hope there’s hope for the future."
So far, Theo hasn’t encountered anyone else who has made that same journey from the Hitler Youth to Judaism, "I felt it was something I had to do, and I did it for myself - after my bar mitzvah a lady wrote to me and said ‘You didn’t do it for yourself, you did it for all of us," which I took as a big compliment. If I can send the right sort of message with my talks and my conversion to Judaism and what’s been done in Germany, I'll be happy with that - yes."
