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Episode details

Radio 4,2 mins

Professor Mona Siddiqui – 18/09/2019

Thought for the Day

Available for over a year

Like thousands of parents, I drove my son to university last week - he is my youngest and while he hasn't gone too far, he's still moved away from home. Throughout the last few weeks, I've heard a few people say things like ` you're free now they've all grown up and moved away,' or `you'll have more time to do what you want.' But I don't feel like that - it' true I'm not looking after them physically as much anymore, but emotionally and psychologically I feel the same concern and care. Our children leaving home and gradually transitioning to adult life is for most of us a time of joy tinged by a little sadness. But children don't suddenly stop needing us when they leave home no matter how independent they may wish to be. For those at university, university life can be a new, exciting and transformative experience. But as more and more studies show, the rise of mental health issues, often a result of loneliness, depression or anxiety, has grown alarmingly among students. And in recent years, the tragic rise of student suicides is forcing many universities to rethink how best to provide professional care. As a society we often speak of care as cure - a solution to a problem rather than an ongoing state of human relations. Caring is often discussed in terms of health provision, how we look after the old and the infirm, as a resource issue, a professional concern. For years within that context professional caring has been underpaid and undervalued. Its been regarded as a peripheral concern to the wellbeing of society, rather than the essential premise of a compassionate society. But whether its professional or personal, caring is essentially about making time for others, it's an acceptance of human fragility in all its forms and the simple fact that things can go wrong for anyone at any time. That sometimes there is no cure, only care. As parents we know that we tread a fine between allowing our children the freedom they need to grow and our own worries for their wellbeing - the qur'anic verse `your wealth and your children are a trial for you' underlines the importance of gratitude and humility that comes with the blessing of children in our lives; we too become vulnerable. But at a time, when the young especially are influenced by so many forces outside our control, when they see their value linked to simply being liked, when friendships define so much of whether they feel good or bad about themselves, all of us who look after children know that we can still be the one constant in their lives. Nurturing their emotional wellbeing isn't just about loving them but more importantly helping them to love themselves.

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