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Among other things at the weekend, the realisation that we have passed the grim milestone of 150,000 deaths due to the pandemic has been a sobering reminder of our mortality. And then on a more individual level there was the news of the demise of two great humanitarians - the actor Sydney Poitier and the politician Jack Dromey. We can't escape death or the reality of other people dying, nor can we avoid the question about how we deal with the complex mess of grief? It strikes me that we are dealing with two issues, not just one. We're dealing firstly with the absence of people we have known. Each of their deaths leaves a hole in our lives. In poetic terms, there is a vacant chair, in real terms there is no reply to letters, no continuation of conversations. This is raw reality. Though well-meant words may offer us a vision of heaven that is not a substitute for the person. This is not pessimism; this is the truth, and it hurts. But as well as dealing with the absence of others, we also have to deal with our own emotions and with the mongrel mixture of anger, denial, guilt, brokenness, which is not always helped by words of saccharine piety. I am always moved by how, when Jesus saw the effect that the death of his friend Lazarus had on Lazarus's sister Mary, he became indignant thus entering into complete solidarity with all such bewildered people. The way grief hits us has no rehearsal. We're dealing with an emotional rupture which needs to be articulated. But grief, at its most profound, can be evidence of something else. Two years ago I lost my long term colleague and closest friend, a person who had changed the course of my life. Last week I was able to visit his burial site for the first time and like Jesus at the grave of his friend, I wept. And then I realised in a deeper way than I had felt before that grief is not just a reaction to an absence in our lives, but it can also be an emblem of love. And that confronts us with a choice: as to whether we stay forever immobilised by the pain of loss or whether we live positively in the light of that love.