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Paddling
pool (Red Syndications)
The watery playground
Citroen
2CV (Glasgow Evening Times)
The Gallic runabout
Gleneagles
(Scot Sun)
The five-star Perthshire getaway
Johnny
Vegas (Derek Brown)
The rotund funnyman
Brut
after-shave (Toni Jones)
The potent green pong
Chainsaw
(John Coles)
The whirring powertool
Michael
Jackson (Splash News, LA)
The moonwalking entertainer
Hail
(John Coles)
Large balls of the freezing ice
Engelbert
Humperdinck (Bizarre's Derek Brown)
Perma-tanned hipster
Side-burned crooning legend
Gordon
Ramsay (sub?)
The Michelin-starred stove ace
Daleks
(James Clench) The tinny tyrants from Skaro
(News sub) Gravel-voiced salt-shakers
(Brian Flynn) Plunger-armed monster
(Jamie Pyatt) The pepperpot-shaped trundling nasties
Darth
Vader (Clench)
The heavy-breathing turncoat Jedi
McDonald's
(Soraya)
The haven of burger addicts
Oliver
Skeete (Kathryn Lister)
The Rastafarian equestrian
Kentucky
Fried Chicken (Bizarre)
The fatty snack
Pheromones.(Preposterous
sex series)
The subtle sex perfumes
The
panda (Sunday Times mag)
The sooty-eyed mammal
Mutant,
three-headed frog (PA)
The strange, multi-faced creature
Pressure
cookers
The useful devices for quick cooking
Lorraine
Kelly on Mr Liza Minnelli, David Gest:
The facially-challenged self-styled impresario
Marmalade
(Alastair Taylor)
The sugar-rich preserve
Scottish
Accent
The Scottish style of speaking
Pies
(Specialist News Service)
The humble pastry parcel
The pastry case dinner
Wombles
(Sally Brook)
The furry litter-pickers
The
Office Xmas Special (Mohan)
The double-barrelled festive parting shot for the Slough cleaning
product salesman
Brazilian
The severe bikini treatment
The
Vatican
The Pope's Italian base in Rome.
Kilt
(Bizarre)
The tartan garment
Viagra
(Jamie Pyatt)
The trouser-bursting tablets
Splinter
(Jamie Pyatt)
The lethal shard of wood
Samurai
sword (Scottish Sun)
The two-foot long oriental blade
Kama
Sutra (Daily Star)
The sacred Asian sex text
Cheques
(Isabelle Kassam)
The paper payment system
Kids'
scooters (Sally Brook)
The lightweight aluminium transporters
Lovehearts
(monitor: Phil Todd)
The fizzy message-bearing sweets
Korean
dictator Kim Jong IL: (Trevor Kavanagh):
The tiny totalitarian
Giant
squid (Brian Flynn)
The 41ft pink blob
The weird lifeform
The Bermuda blob
The tentacled monster
The long, pink lump of leathery flesh
Sausage
(BB4)
The fatty breakfast treat
Head
lice (Jeremy Vine, Radio 2)
The sesame-seed sized, six-legged parasites
Squirrels
(Brian Flynn)
The bushy-tailed creatures
Bumblebee
(Tim Spanton)
The yellow and black pollinator
Mariah
Carey (Bizarre)
The perky-boobed singer
Magpie
(Sunday Telegraph)
The rampaging carrion
Morris
Dancing (Angial Press Agency)
The stick-banging dances
Tapas
(Bill Todd)
The multiple nibbles.
Canteen
trays (Newscorp house journal)
The wooden carriers
School
(Dave Morgan)
The local seat of learning
Lion
(Bizarre)
The fierce animal
The maned beast
Cancer
(John Kay)
The creeping illness
Ron
Davies (Mark Bowness)
The wood-loving romper
Brit
human shields in Iraq (Nick Parker)
The duffel-coated Glastonbury Festival regulars
The woolly-jumpered peace group
Concorde
(Charles Rae)
The famous drop-nosed jet
False
leg (Jamie Pyatt)
The walking aid
India
(Sally Brook)
The distant sub-continent
Snowball
(John Troup)
The freezing cold projectile
Omar
Bakri Muhammed (Neil Syson)
The gammy-legged extremist.
Rubber
ring (Jamie Pyatt)
Inflatable doughnut-shaped watersports toy
Hedgehogs
(Mel Hunter)
The prickly critters
Snoring
(news short)
The noisy grunts
Scarves
(Fashion's Fiona Reardon)
The woolly fashion items
Alzheimer's
(John Scott)
The memory-sapping complaint
Shawls
(Fatima Bholah)
The multi-coloured crochet creations
Sunken
treasure (Katy Weitz, debut entry)
The watery bounty
Prostitution
(Evening Standard)
The taboo service
Sugar
and salt (Sally Ann Voak)
The popular flavourings
Nigel
Kennedy (Bizarre)
The lumpy-necked fiddler
Postman
Pat's cat (Sun news story)
Genial Pat's furry feline sidekick
Saudi
Arabia (News)
The desert kingdom
Uri
Geller (Frank Thorne)
The wacky mystic spoon-bender
Traffic
cone (Robin Perrie P7 lead)
The lightweight obstacle
North
Pole (Lorraine Kelly)
Earth's most northern point
Wallflowers
(Peter Seabrook)
The rewarding biennial
David
Seaman (Sun Sports pages)
The pony-tailed stopper
Simon
Cowell (Brian Flynn)
The casually-dressed music industry supremo
Seaside
rock (James Clench)
The eight-inch minty sticks
Polar
Bears (Giovanna Iozzi)
The ambling shaggy white beasts
Beavers
(Oliver Harvey)
The dam-building mammals
Squirrels
(Lorraine Kelly)
The bushy-tailed little nut-eaters
Marmite
(Newslist)
The thick black relish
The tangy black paste
Marmite
(Tony Banks in Commons)
The wonderful savoury
The tea-time favourite
Goat
(Corr copy)
The elderly, cloven-hooved nanny
Beards
(Sharon Hendry)
The chunky chin-blankets
Pretzel
(Grant Rollings)
The brittle or chewy glazed, usually salted, slender bread often
shaped like a loose knot
Tomato
ketchup (newslist 16.12.01)
The runny red favourite
Cod
liver oil (Tim Spanton)
The foul-tasting health liquid
Toffee
(Trad.)
The chewy comestible
Santa
(Trad.)
The red-jacketed festive gift-bringer
Prawns
(Trad.)
The tasty sea creatures
Hand-grenade
(Trad.)
The pineapple-shaped munition
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