Ford and
Greg joined us for some vino, nuts and a live chat before the fifth show of series
four on the evening of Friday 15th February.
Question
from Scott Morrison: How
many more series of Chewin' the Fat do you plan to do?
Ford: Nine.
Greg: No
more!
Question
from David Murdoch: Where
did you come up with Captain Nipple Whistle?
Greg:
It was written for us by Florence & Connell.
Ford: Aye and they
don't have any nipples!
Greg: It was Captain
Kipper Whistle for a while, their stuff is full of typos!
Question
from Scott Morrison: If
you were stranded on a desert island with three of the characters from Chewin'
the Fat, who would you want them to be?
Ford: Nipple Whistle,
Victor - er, three? …
Greg: I want the
three girls from Smack the Pony!
Question
from Jabba: I'd
love to know who the guys based the neds on?
Greg: Neds!
Ford: Two neds!
Question
from Colin Mills:
Why have you stopped the gonnae no dae that sketches?
Ford: Cos we're
puffed oot wi' it. (fed up)
Comment
from Helen C: Awright
ya dobbers
Ford: How dare she
call us dobbers! Where's she getting it fae?
Question
from Michael Harkins: What
made you come up with the Big Jock sketch because that is a great sketch?
Greg: We're just
puppets. Hired hacks. It was Florence & Connell.
Question
from Scott Morrison: Why
is it, you're always drinking wine on the chats? Are you alchies or something?
Ford: Cos we're
a coupla wind-up widos.
Question
from Jack Stewart: What's
the best and worst thing about being a Scottish Celebrity?
Greg: Aw, no, you're
an ex-racing driver.
Ford: You're the
Le Mans man, you should know man.
Question
from Stephen Taylor: What
comedy programs do you watch to get your laughs?
Greg:
Frasier and Larry Sanders and Seinfeld.
Ford: Yeah and Sex
and the City, Alan Partridge. Never the Fast Show…
Greg: …or Smack
the Pony.
Question
from Burberry Boy: Isn’t
CTF just a Scottish copy of The Fast Show?
Ford & Greg: Yes,
we've been outed by a Sassenach!
Question
from Marie-Ann Johnstone: Wot
time u on tonight?
Ford & Greg: 10.35pm
on Â鶹Éç1
Comment
from Paddy Boy: Chewin
the Fat is better than the Fast Show.
Question
from Jabba: When
are you playing live next ?
Ford: In about half
an hour when we get home.
Greg: No plans for
the moment. Next summer possibly.
Question
from Lobby Dosser: Who's
the funniest - WC Fields or the Marx Brothers?
Greg: Excellent
question. Marx Bros.
Ford: WC Fields.
I hate the xxxx Marx Brothers!
Question
from Brian Morrow: Which
one of you 2 got in a scrap at the Hampden heroes thing last year?
Greg: That was me
and Ford covered for me.
Question
from Kevin Bishop:
Are we going to see the return of the Big Man's mum in this series?
Ford: I sincerely
hope not. I don't want to do that again. The Comedy Unit are sticklers for detail
and I had to wear the pants and the lot.
Question
from Gazza Anderson: Can
you mention my name on tonight’s show. My names Gary Anderson please?
Ford: Aye, if we
could go back 6 months in time!
Greg: Yes, if your
name's dobber!
Ford: Aye, you'll
get four mentions the night!
Question
from Brian Morrow: Fair
play any truth in the rumour that Denis Law called you a pr*ck?
Greg: No, that was
us that called him that.
Question
from Chrissy Burt: The
two o' yies in a square go, who gets battered?
Greg: I would've
thought that was fairly obvious.
Ford: We're going
down!
Question
from Michael Harkins: Are
we going to see more of Big Jock?
Ford: Dunno. We
might. We want to see more Captain Nipple Whistle. That's become a national trend.
Question
from Scott Morrison: What
do the mums of the kids that appear in Chewin the Fat say. They're always saying
w!!
Greg: We have to
cast the net wide and find very liberal parents.
Ford: We generally
find them in Poland, cos they don't know what we're saying. We got into a lot
of trouble in the old series saying , vank, vank, good guy.
Question
from Bonnie Earl: What
was it about the town of Greenock that inspired your new floral characters in
the show?
Greg: It's a place
rich with comedy.
Ford: It was the
only sh***hole place in Scotland that we hadnae pointed up. ..
Greg: …and it spawned
Richard Wilson!
Question
from Brian Morrow: I
must say as somebody from Borrheid but who lives in Brum it's a laugh explaining
the craic to my workmates.
Greg: Thanks for
trying.
Ford: Just bail
out, sit back, relax and enjoy it yerself.
Question
from Jabba: Why
aren't you drinking Fusilier?
Ford & Greg: It's
no early enough - it's never too early for a Fusilier.
Question
from Rob Macaulay: Why
no Karen on the chat?
Ford: She's in Bermuda
at the moment and she normally comes back before we shoot the next episode. It's
a crazy mixed up show biz life, but that's the way she likes it.
Question
from Kevin Bishop: You
guys ever thought of doing the Wee Man? He could be the Big Man's son.
Ford: Naw, we were
actually thinking about doing just Medium Man.
Question
from Chris: Hey
guys, what sketch have you enjoyed the most?
Ford: John Wayne's
an *** - last series.
Greg: One that you
haven't seen yet.
Question
from Tracy: Are
you just doing this chat for the free bevvie ???
Greg: It isn't free
- you paid for it!
Comment
from Dinny You:
I deal with a company in Bradford, and they are all fans....they laugh when I
talk.. mibby that’s just me.
Question
from Chris Elliot: Do
you wonder aboot Glesgae for new material?
Ford: Yes, we wonder
about Glasgow!
Question
from Ian Bowie: In
your new series have you done any sketches involving Mosspark Bowling Club?
Ford: Naw,
we've switched it for a new source of material - the golf club. Cos there's just
as many a**holes there as in the bowling club.
Question
from Nick Boogie: What
do you think of the Welsh show Lucky Bag?
Ford: Aye, it's
no bad. The only problem is it's on that late that you're pished, but then you
have to be to enjoy it.
Greg: Aye it's good.
Question
from Nick Boogie: Is
it troo yer making a series based entirely on the wonderful game of scrabble?
Greg: No!
Ford: Naw - gie's
a scrabble, ya dobber!
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